Fat Girl,

Ch-ch-ch-changes

May 26, 2018 0 Comments

Welcome to the new site in all its work-in-progress glory. Let’s talk about some stuff, like why there’s a new site in the first place and what you can expect from me moving forward.

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The Process of Being.

April 16, 2017 0 Comments

This Saturday, April 22, I will turn 30 years old. (Want to help me celebrate?)

Frankly, this terrifies me.

All my life, I never envisioned myself living past the age of 28. I figured that either the rapture would have occurred, or I would have killed myself. So you’d think 29 would have been my all-out panic year, but I spent 29 dealing with a lot of other things.

Now, with 30 at my doorstep, I’m caught in its headlights, awaiting its impact with an ever-increasing sense of dread.

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As dumpster fires go.

December 31, 2016 0 Comments
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Cognitive distortion and taking up space.

November 3, 2016 2 Comments
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Codependent avoidance.

May 27, 2016 1 Comment

I’m spending a lot of time just sort of sitting with myself. What do I want? What do I think? What am I willing to give, or ask for? Why? Am I just trying to placate others for my own comfort and ease of anxiety, or is this something I’m genuinely willing to agree to or compromise on? If so, why?

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When I must be "The Bad Guy."

February 1, 2016 6 Comments

make you see why and how, make you see cause and effect, connect dots for you, connect dots for me. I want to feel justified, validated. I don’t want to be The Bad Guy. I don’t want to accept that to so many, I am petulant and over-sharing and running away from problems that could be fixed if I would just try harder. But I can’t change, even if I tried. Even if I wanted to.* And so…here I sit. The Bad Guy. It’s not comfortable. I don’t like it. But if this is who I have to be in order to be me, then so be it.]]>

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Celebrate the little victories.

July 3, 2015 2 Comments

These are such small things. Such little victories. What right have I to celebrate them?

The same right I have to celebrate the victories of all of my friends and family who deal with chronic illnesses, physical and mental. Small victories are victories. Medication that allows me to escape the never-ending cycle of panic is useful. Wrapping myself in soft, warm cloth is calming and soothing. Touching my skin and putting makeup on with gentle, loving hands is crucial on days where I struggle to love myself. Such a short amount of time of my day, and yet now I am calm. I can think. I am okay.

Celebrate the little victories. Always, celebrate the little victories.

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Always. Choose love.

April 21, 2015 0 Comments

You are so young. I am so young. We have much to learn, you and I, twelve years apart and still growing.

But in the face of all of the unknowable, unsearchable future, let’s you and I promise to always choose love — for ourselves, for others. We’ll find our way from there.

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Pain demands to be felt.

June 7, 2014 0 Comments
Image from beliefnet.

I just watched The Fault in Our Stars and I’m having feelings about my dad who is dying (slowly) of cancer.

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Thinking about fatness and self-injury and mental health.

June 2, 2014 6 Comments

Content note: talk of self-injury, body image, and sexual assault after the jump.

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