Fat Girl,

When something’s not okay: pondering reconciliation & relationship.

February 14, 2013

Pattern of wrong behaviour with disregard to criticism + widespread or deep offense = no reconciliation for me. No forgiveness. We are not okay.

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We don’t have to be okay.

January 11, 2013

You don’t have to be okay.

You’re allowed to be sad.

You’re allowed to cry.

You’re allowed to be overwhelmed.

It’s okay. Really.

Not being okay is okay sometimes.

You don’t owe happiness to people when you don’t feel it.

You don’t owe happiness to people at the expense of your emotional and mental and spiritual health.

It’s okay to take care of you, and sometimes that looks like not being okay.

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Existential perfection, problematic cultural systems, and being okay.

January 5, 2013

These cultures, these systems of thought, are pervasive. Good people with good intentions perpetuate these systems unknowingly without understanding the consequences.

But these systems do have consequences.

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The body I have.

January 2, 2013

Neither being fat nor being female is shameful. My feminine body doesn’t have the magical mythical ability to strip away the logical thought-​processes of men, making them into helpless hormone-​driven apes. My fat body is still my body, and it’s my vehicle in this life. It doesn’t belong to anyone else for their commentary, critique, or approval. It belongs to me. It harms no one.

These concepts may seem really simple and obvious. But I’ve struggled with them subconsciously for all of my life. And as I sit here in my skinny jeans and fitted top, for the first time in my life I am fat, female, and unashamed.

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I want to believe.

December 27, 2012

I want to believe, but at the same time I have to find joy even when I don’t. I have to know that it’s okay not to believe. Good things happen, good things exist, even in doubt and uncertainty. And if they exist in doubt and uncertainty, they will exist still in belief.

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Introspection on depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and life.

November 9, 2012

What’s so wrong with attention? Does my wasting body not tell you about my wasting soul? Do the scars on my arms and legs not tell you about the scars on my soul? For the girl with the words, the girl who was going to write books some day, I never ever had the words for the pain. And I still don’t, even though I’ve long left the starving and cutting.

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Fighting the sadness.

October 31, 2012

Depression says nothing about our morality, our worth as people, or our standing before or relationship with God. I call these coping mechanisms because that’s what they are for me. They help me get through my days when I otherwise might not be able to.

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A strong legacy.

May 29, 2012

Mom,

You know how you always say that a letter is better than a gift, because it’s something you can read over and over again through the years? Well, I thought that maybe I’d make my letter to you public, so other people can enjoy how awesome you are, too.

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On positive feedback.

May 29, 2012

When I received an email from one of their staff offering assistance to me at the end of my trial, I couldn’t just delete it as I normally would. I took the time to thank their staff member for reaching out to me and to let him know that my needs were being met with the free option but I loved the service enough to pay when the time comes.

Why did I do that? I could have just let the email pass. I’m busy, they’re busy — is it even profitable to take up someone’s time when I’m not ready to close a deal?

I think so.

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The proper response.

December 8, 2011

Trigger warning: sexual assault, rape.

When someone tells you that they have been sexually assaulted, harassed, molested, raped, or anything of the sort, the proper response is to say, “I’m so sorry. It wasn’t your fault. What happened to you was reprehensible, and no one should be forced to go through that. What can I do to be there for you? Do you want to report it to the police? I will be with you every step of the way, no matter what you do. You’re not alone.”

If you have any doubts about whether or not they are telling the truth, the proper response is still the same as the above. Do not voice your lack of concern. Do not voice or otherwise show your incredulity. Be nothing short of supportive.

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Just hear me out.

January 23, 2020

Remember the days where I wrote on here somewhat regularly? I mean, they were the early-​​to-​​mid 2010’s, and blogging has certainly gone by the wayside as of the past…like…what is it, 3 – 4 years now? I didn’t stop writing because the trend began dying down, though. I stopped writing because of TRAUMA *throws glitter bomb* While I do still post on…

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Abortion is a Human Right

June 22, 2019
Text reads, “Abortion is a human right,” from Fat Girl Media. The main text is lettered in a friendly but straight-forward cursive. It’s wrapped in a simple rendering of a stethoscope, with “Fat Girl Media” being within the round applicator of the scope. The cord forms an infinity symbol. The background of the image is white, and the design is in a 2-tone teal.

When a government works so hard to remove the agency of its people in deciding whether and when to procreate (and how to treat other medical conditions!), that government is immoral. It’s a violation of human rights — quite literally, according to the United Nations. And it’s certainly not a land of the free.

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Eshet Chayil: In Memory of Rachel Held Evans

May 22, 2019
The Hebrew term “eshet chayil” is written in calligraphy with thick down-strokes and hairline up-strokes. “Eshet chayil” means “woman of valor.”

Rachel Held Evans changed the world. She challenged me on how to hold accountable people I looked up to when they made decisions I thought were wrong. And she did make my world a better educated, more compassionate, more loving place.

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Notre Dame is Burning

April 15, 2019
A firefighter uses a hose to douse flames and smoke billowing from the roof at Notre-Dame Cathedral in Paris on April 15, 2019. Geoffroy Van Der Hasselt | AFP | Getty Images

And I see symbolism blazing
in the wreckaged, ruined frame
as onlookers are weeping,
knowing nothing may remain.

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There are No Strings on Me

March 13, 2019

When Avengers: Age of Ultron first came out on Blu-​ray, my brother came over to watch the film at my house. While watching, I suddenly had an idea for a lettering project: I wanted to draw the phrase Ultron seems obsessed with throughout the movie (which is, of course, from Pinocchio): “There are no strings on me.”

My thought was to use lots of swashes and embellishments, then finally ink it with my flex nib dip pen. I ended up vectoring the piece, but was unsatisfied with the first finalization. I sat on it for several months, then decided to rework it after reading Jessica Hische’s fantastic book, In Progress. The final result is something I can say I’m quite proud of.

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Reflections on privilege and poverty.

March 13, 2019

I have so much help at my fingertips, and I still risk poverty. For all my privilege, I’m still in this mess. And so many people are in the same boat.

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Cruelty in Christ

February 25, 2019

I’ve long defended evangelicals and fundamentalists alike, insisting that if they could only understand the harm they’re perpetuating, they would change.

But I can’t continue, in good conscience, telling my non-​Christian, queer, non-​white, disabled, and trans friends to give evangelicals in their lives another chance.

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Makeup of the Day, February 7th Edition

February 8, 2019
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