Fat Girl,

When I must be “The Bad Guy.”

February 1, 2016

I could explain my thought processes for every step of these various journeys. I’m very prone to explaining and dissecting and hoping beyond hope that I can just <i>make you see why and how,</i> make you see cause and effect, connect dots for you, connect dots for me. I want to feel justified, validated. I don’t want to be The Bad Guy. I don’t want to accept that to so many, I am petulant and over-​sharing and running away from problems that could be fixed if I would just try harder. But I can’t change, even if I tried. Even if I wanted to.* And so…here I sit. The Bad Guy. It’s not comfortable. I don’t like it. But if this is who I have to be in order to be <i>me</i>, then so be it.

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Great expectations: basic human decency.

October 5, 2015

In short: the lowest common denominator in all relationships ought to be basic human decency.

When Christians tell me that it’s not fair for me to expect them not to trample on my boundaries or treat me with disrespect for my autonomy as a human being, all I can hear is, “You can’t expect basic human decency from me or my people.” More than that, I hear, “You don’t even qualify as human enough for us to consider treating you differently.”

Christians? This is a problem.

How will the world know you as loving if you refuse to act lovingly? How can you say you possess the love of Jesus Christ when this is how you treat unbelievers? You claim that you’re no better than us, yet treat us like you’re the Designated Adult and we’re the naughty children you must put back in our places. You insist that for me and other unbelievers (or even liberal believers!) to write and live and share our authentic selves is a direct attack on you, and so you try to control us through silencing tactics and what you must think are counter-​attacks. You can’t see the difference between someone being honest about who they are and someone exerting control over a person? How can you not see the disrespect of that? How can you not see the condescension? How can you pretend to be sharing Christ’s love when you refuse to see the image of God in anyone but those who look and think and act like you?

Despite being an atheist, I do think the Bible has a few nuggets of wisdom here and there. And one of those nuggets is this: “Let us not love in word…but in deed and in truth.” In other words, don’t tell me that you love me while showing me that you don’t.

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Smokey Eye with tarte energy noir palette

September 19, 2015

For my first ever makeup tutorial, I use tarte cosmetics’ energy noir palette — and let me tell you, I am in love.

Every color in this palette is a color that works well with my skin tone. I’m cool-​to-​neutral, and this is definitely on the mauve/​taupe/​plum side of things, which is simply perfection.

The shadows are so easily blendable and buildable. There’s not a lot of fallout, and they don’t irritate my sometimes sensitive eyes.

A+, would buy again in a heartbeat.

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Microaggressions and fat-​shaming.

September 10, 2015

It is no one’s goddamn business what I eat, except for me and my doctors. I owe no one explanations for my food choices. I owe no one an explanation for my body. I’m not obligated to share my financial availability for Good Food, nor my health surrounding ability to lose weight or process nutrients in a way ignorant people think I should. My body does not require an explanation or an apology, and it shouldn’t elicit the spouting of erroneous information or meaningless advice from friends, family, or strangers alike — and it most certainly shouldn’t inspire complete strangers to pressure me into eating things I don’t want to eat and adjusting my restaurant orders to something they’re more comfortable with a Fatty McFatperson like me eating.

If I ate nothing but fruits and vegetables, I would not be worthy of more respect.

If I ate nothing but fried foods and sweet, I would not be worthy of less respect.

If I incorporated regular intensive workouts into my daily life, I would not be a more worthy human.

If I did nothing but sit on the couch and eat Cheetos all day long, I would not be a less worthy human.

And I hate so much that, despite working constantly on body positivity and self-​care for the past 4 years, all it takes is one terrible person to make me second-​guess the validity of my existence and self-​worth as a fat femme person.

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You matter.

September 7, 2015
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Photoshop Adventures: Power Lines, Be Gone!

August 6, 2015

This week, my company has been working on a client’s website, making some slight design adjustments and choosing new photos for some of their pages. They’d expressed a desire to use this image as the header for their site:

original

The most glaring problem was the pole and myriad telephone lines distracting from the main subject of the photo. So they were the things I took care of first, creating a new layer entitled “clone stamp” and using the clone stamp, healing brush, and paintbrush tools to clean everything up. This was rather painstaking, taking about 40 minutes to do since some of what I was removing was in heavily detailed areas, like the white house on the right and the tiles on the main building.

no-lines

Then I wanted to adjust the color and contrast a bit. I created two Hue/​Saturation adjustment layers: one for the whole photo, and one with just a mask to target the main building. I also created a building-​specific Color Balance layer to help it stand out just a little bit more. Finally, I created a Curves adjustment layer to adjust the contrast of the entire image. Here is the final result:

shopped

And just for funsies, here’s the before and after together.

photoshopped-building

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On treating depression.

August 3, 2015
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Photoshop Adventures: Color Correction & Cloning

July 23, 2015

<p>Not too long ago, my partner and I discovered the joy that is <a href=“https://twitter.com/aknacer” target=“_blank” rel=“noopener noreferrer”>Aaron Nace</a>‘s <a href=“https://www.youtube.com/user/PhlearnLLC” target=“_blank” rel=“noopener noreferrer”>Phlearn Photoshop and Photography Tutorials</a>. We spent hours almost every evening for a few weeks watching the tutorials, and it seemed like a whole new world had opened to me. I’ve always been competent in Photoshop, don’t get me wrong. But suddenly it seemed like I could move from mere competency into proficiency. In fact, I must heartily thank Phlearn for making their valuable resources so readily available, as even little tips and tricks I’ve picked up from the show have been so helpful to me in my job as a graphic designer.</p> <p>Particularly when working with stock imagery that’s close to what a client wants, but not quite.</p>

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Photoshop Adventures: Color Correction & Cloning

July 23, 2015

Not too long ago, my partner and I discovered the joy that is Aaron Nace’s Phlearn Photoshop and Photography Tutorials. We spent hours almost every evening for a few weeks watching the tutorials, and it seemed like a whole new world had opened to me. I’ve always been competent in Photoshop, don’t get me wrong. But suddenly it seemed like I could move from mere competency into proficiency. In fact, I must heartily thank Phlearn for making their valuable resources so readily available, as even little tips and tricks I’ve picked up from the show have been so helpful to me in my job as a graphic designer.

Particularly when working with stock imagery that’s close to what a client wants, but not quite.

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Redeeming Love Review: “Fallen” Angel

July 12, 2015

Overview and analysis of chapters 1 – 6. Trigger warnings for topics including sex trafficking, childhood sexual abuse, rape, emotional abuse, domestic violence, and suicide.

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Just hear me out.

January 23, 2020

Remember the days where I wrote on here somewhat regularly? I mean, they were the early-​​to-​​mid 2010’s, and blogging has certainly gone by the wayside as of the past…like…what is it, 3 – 4 years now? I didn’t stop writing because the trend began dying down, though. I stopped writing because of TRAUMA *throws glitter bomb* While I do still post on…

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Abortion is a Human Right

June 22, 2019
Text reads, “Abortion is a human right,” from Fat Girl Media. The main text is lettered in a friendly but straight-forward cursive. It’s wrapped in a simple rendering of a stethoscope, with “Fat Girl Media” being within the round applicator of the scope. The cord forms an infinity symbol. The background of the image is white, and the design is in a 2-tone teal.

When a government works so hard to remove the agency of its people in deciding whether and when to procreate (and how to treat other medical conditions!), that government is immoral. It’s a violation of human rights — quite literally, according to the United Nations. And it’s certainly not a land of the free.

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Eshet Chayil: In Memory of Rachel Held Evans

May 22, 2019
The Hebrew term “eshet chayil” is written in calligraphy with thick down-strokes and hairline up-strokes. “Eshet chayil” means “woman of valor.”

Rachel Held Evans changed the world. She challenged me on how to hold accountable people I looked up to when they made decisions I thought were wrong. And she did make my world a better educated, more compassionate, more loving place.

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Notre Dame is Burning

April 15, 2019
A firefighter uses a hose to douse flames and smoke billowing from the roof at Notre-Dame Cathedral in Paris on April 15, 2019. Geoffroy Van Der Hasselt | AFP | Getty Images

And I see symbolism blazing
in the wreckaged, ruined frame
as onlookers are weeping,
knowing nothing may remain.

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There are No Strings on Me

March 13, 2019

When Avengers: Age of Ultron first came out on Blu-​ray, my brother came over to watch the film at my house. While watching, I suddenly had an idea for a lettering project: I wanted to draw the phrase Ultron seems obsessed with throughout the movie (which is, of course, from Pinocchio): “There are no strings on me.”

My thought was to use lots of swashes and embellishments, then finally ink it with my flex nib dip pen. I ended up vectoring the piece, but was unsatisfied with the first finalization. I sat on it for several months, then decided to rework it after reading Jessica Hische’s fantastic book, In Progress. The final result is something I can say I’m quite proud of.

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Reflections on privilege and poverty.

March 13, 2019

I have so much help at my fingertips, and I still risk poverty. For all my privilege, I’m still in this mess. And so many people are in the same boat.

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Cruelty in Christ

February 25, 2019

I’ve long defended evangelicals and fundamentalists alike, insisting that if they could only understand the harm they’re perpetuating, they would change.

But I can’t continue, in good conscience, telling my non-​Christian, queer, non-​white, disabled, and trans friends to give evangelicals in their lives another chance.

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Makeup of the Day, February 7th Edition

February 8, 2019
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