Fat Girl,

The Process of Being.

April 16, 2017

This Saturday, April 22, I will turn 30 years old. (Want to help me celebrate?)

Frankly, this terrifies me.

All my life, I never envisioned myself living past the age of 28. I figured that either the rapture would have occurred, or I would have killed myself. So you’d think 29 would have been my all-​out panic year, but I spent 29 dealing with a lot of other things.

Now, with 30 at my doorstep, I’m caught in its headlights, awaiting its impact with an ever-​increasing sense of dread.

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As dumpster fires go.

December 31, 2016

I’ve been sitting here for a good 10 minutes, just staring at the screen. Occasionally typing a sentence or two, then deleting. The words I want to say aren’t words I feel I can say yet, and so I choose to be silent. Much like I have most of this year, if you’ve noticed. On January 18, I left my husband. There’s much that…

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Cognitive distortion and taking up space.

November 3, 2016

My brain is spinning with thoughts and conversations over the past weeks, the culmination of almost a year’s worth of introspection and mourning. “I looked through the journal section of your blog and noticed you haven’t really written lately,” a friend noted. No. I haven’t. I’ve been afraid, frankly. With some good reason and probably with some over-​​reaction.…

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Of masculinity & abusive breeding grounds.

June 8, 2015

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No more faith: the whys and why nots of my deconversion.

December 31, 2014

It’s really rather rare for people to ask me why I deconverted from Christianity. Like, really rare. It’s far more common for them to assume they already know, whether they’re talking to me while they’re expressing this assumption or not. However, in a single week, I’ve had two separate unaffiliated people ask me a variation of the same question about the role fundamentalism had in my deconversion. Of course, I’ve been trying to figure this out for myself on a less-​specific scale for the better part of two years, though much of it has been in my own head. Perhaps it’s time for me to work out of my thoughts here with you.

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I belong to me: learning agency & consent outside Christianity.

November 15, 2014

<p>By and large, Christianity as a system in the Western world teaches people to run rip-​shod over the boundaries of those within and without their camps under the guise of love.<sup><a href=“http://www.patheos.com/blogs/godlessindixie/2014/10/15/your-love-is-toxic/” target=“_blank” rel=“noopener noreferrer”>25</a></sup> The consent of its members and non-​members alike isn&rsquo;t required, as clearly demonstrated by the past almost 28 years of my existence. And that&rsquo;s a <i>massive</i> problem, enabling (and at times <i>commanding</i>) the manipulation, mistreatment, and abuse of countless people.</p> <p><b>In fact, I&rsquo;d say one of the defining characteristics of Christianity today is that it has a consent problem.</b></p>

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Lessons learned at the Fortress of Faith: An Introduction.

August 6, 2014

I thought that the hardest thing about being at BJU was going to be just learning how to follow an amazingly ridiculous set of rules — and frankly, I thought I had that covered. I grew up in a conservative Christian school where BJU groups visited for recruitment purposes. I was usually one of the good kids, so I thought BJU was going to be a college-​version of my high school. No big deal.

Boy, was I wrong.

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Some thoughts on rape culture and unintentional derailing.

June 4, 2014
Image from TV Week.

Rape culture affects everyone, but we don’t have to have all the conversations about all the things any time we want to talk about one of them.

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In which I realize how bad my assault was.

May 5, 2014

Sometimes I downplay my college assault, but maybe I should stop gaslighting myself. Trigger warning for description of sexual assault after the jump.

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Rambling into the void.

December 31, 2013

Avoid as necessary. Trigger warnings like whoa. Nothing to see here.

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In which I am hesitant to call it abuse.

March 18, 2013

This week is Spiritual Abuse Awareness Week, a synchroblog hosted by Hännah, Joy, and Shaney (along with Rachel and Elora). Today we’re all linking up with Hännah, and I’m so thrilled that this is happening. And yet…

And yet.

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The proper response.

December 8, 2011

Trigger warning: sexual assault, rape.

When someone tells you that they have been sexually assaulted, harassed, molested, raped, or anything of the sort, the proper response is to say, “I’m so sorry. It wasn’t your fault. What happened to you was reprehensible, and no one should be forced to go through that. What can I do to be there for you? Do you want to report it to the police? I will be with you every step of the way, no matter what you do. You’re not alone.”

If you have any doubts about whether or not they are telling the truth, the proper response is still the same as the above. Do not voice your lack of concern. Do not voice or otherwise show your incredulity. Be nothing short of supportive.

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