Fat Girl,

Never.

January 15, 2018 1 Comment
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Haikus with Dani: Coercion

March 17, 2017 0 Comments

Con­tent note: rape

St. Patrick’s Day will nev­er be the same for me. This whole week has been noth­ing but hell­ish mem­o­ry almost every wak­ing moment. I’m so grate­ful for the friends and fam­i­ly who have spent time with me to make sure I’m not alone and that I’m safe.

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As dumpster fires go.

December 31, 2016 0 Comments
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Haikus With Dani: Existential Edition

May 16, 2016 1 Comment

I’ve been rather exis­ten­tial late­ly. I mean, I usu­al­ly am any­way. But back to the “it’s hard to explain in any­thing except shards of thought” kind of exis­ten­tial. So. The con­tents of these haikus will like­ly turn into blog posts at some point. But for now, I serve them to you as the frag­ments they are.

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The Stories We Tell: Purity Culture and Shame.

April 1, 2016 7 Comments

I had a very eye-open­ing con­ver­sa­tion with my mom recent­ly.

We were talk­ing about my mar­riage to my ex, and she asked me if her hunch was cor­rect that I’d have mar­ried him any­way if my par­ents hadn’t giv­en us per­mis­sion. (You see, in our iter­a­tion of puri­ty cul­ture, even as a 22-year-old adult, I need­ed my par­ents’ per­mis­sion to mar­ry.)

I thought a moment and answered hon­est­ly: yes, I would have still mar­ried him. Then I clar­i­fied, “I hon­est­ly thought I had to.”

You didn’t get that from us!” Mom respond­ed in aston­ished con­fu­sion. “You don’t have to mar­ry some­one just because you slept with them.

Let me state up front: that’s an entire­ly true state­ment. I agree with it 100%.

And yet it was my turn to be shocked.

Because that state­ment flew in the face the entire nar­ra­tive of my first 20+ years of life..

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Haikus With Dani: Breakup Edition

March 3, 2016 3 Comments

In so many ways, the dis­solv­ing of my mar­riage has been unspeak­ably hard. I lit­er­al­ly don’t have tru­ly appro­pri­ate words for this expe­ri­ence, only deep chasms with­in my being that alter­nate­ly flow with rage and sor­row, then ebb with hol­low mis­ery. So I decid­ed to put the frag­ment­ed shards of grief into haikus.

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The Stories We Tell: Purity Culture Edition

February 18, 2016 2 Comments

Puri­ty cul­ture pre­pared me for a world that doesn’t exist. The world that does exist is both so much bet­ter and so much worse than I was led to believe.

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Of masculinity & abusive breeding grounds.

June 8, 2015 0 Comments
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Of masculinity & abusive breeding grounds.

June 8, 2015 0 Comments

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A tale of male entitlement.

May 29, 2015 6 Comments

This com­plete stranger, in the span of 90 sec­onds, demon­strat­ed that he felt enti­tled to a) my atten­tion, b) my pos­ses­sions, c) my good­will, and d) my body. 

My clear ret­i­cence for social inter­ac­tion didn’t mat­ter. My body lan­guage regard­ing my pen­cil didn’t mat­ter (con­sid­er­ing he lit­er­al­ly pried it from my hand). My dis­in­ter­est in stroking his ego was the high­est affront, to which he respond­ed by touch­ing me with­out my con­sent (and pro­long­ing his touch when I phys­i­cal­ly pulled away).

Peo­ple. Don’t do this. It’s super not okay. Respect per­son­al bub­bles. Don’t force peo­ple to inter­act with you when they’re giv­ing every indi­ca­tion that they’d real­ly rather not. And don’t take their stuff while they’re using it — that’s kinder­garten lev­el stuff. AND DON’T TOUCH ANYONE WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD IN THIS WORLD.

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